How to agree your way forward
Have you ever been in a conversation that started something like ‘I think you are a great guy, but …’ and then the rest of the conversation is about how you can’t do anything right or no one likes you? The ‘but …’ sets you up to hear the bad news!
We can show you how to utilise ‘but’ to get what you want. How?
Let’s look at some simple words to increase your powers of persuasion. We are going to look at small words such as ‘and’, ‘but’, ‘because’ and ‘yet’. The first three words allow you to add, delete and qualify different statements that don’t otherwise have to be connected, and the word ‘yet’ gives motion to stuck states. You may not see how this works just yet, but you will, and then you will be amazed at what you can do with a few words.
There are many ways of using these words, but we’re going to concentrate on the examples that give people feedback or criticism because it is an application that is easy to see and, by looking at the area, you will easily be able to think of your own applications.
Let us start with the word ‘but’. You have put huge effort into a report only to have your boss say. ‘I think it’s a great effort with some relevant points, but …’
How many times has this happened to you? It makes you feel rejected and hurt.
All that great work is gone with the way the wind blows. Even worse, how many times have you inflicted this ‘but’ onto your children, loved ones or colleagues?
With Hypnotic Persuasion it is easy to turn ‘but’ into positive power
The word ‘but’ acts as a delete button. It deletes what came before and sets people up for the bad news that is supposed to follow. So an easy way of using these words is to put the bad news first then delete it with ‘but’ and follow through with the good news. This is what it sounds like:
‘That report had lots of mistakes, but the overall sense of it is great.’
‘No you can’t stay out past midnight tonight, but the weekend is a different issue.’
This is straightforward enough so let’s add ‘and’ to the mix. The word ‘and’ allows you to add a new thought and connect it to the first.
‘The report had a lot of mistakes, but the overall sense of it is great and how good are you going to feel when you have made all the corrections and everyone is telling you what a great job you have done.’
‘No you can’t stay out past midnight tonight, but the weekend is a different issue and that is when you’re going to have the most fun isn’t it?
Here’s another persuasive pattern for you. In the last example, by making it a question you are focusing the subject’s mind in an entirely new direction, not so? And for you professional business negotiators it’s an automatic close!
‘Yet’ is a word that creates movement to stuck states. Just adding ‘yet’ to the end of the phrase ‘I can’t … yet’ creates an opening for change. As trainers and coaches we use this pattern a lot. Suppose a delegate on a course says something like this ‘I can’t understand this.’ I reply ‘that’s right, you don’t understand this yet …’
See how the ‘yet’ has created movement.
Creating win-win situations
So perhaps you want to persuade your child to do what is best for him, or you want to convert your boss to change his fixed ideas and look at your proposition, or maybe you want your partner just to say ‘yes’. This is where hypnotic persuasion gives you the power to bring about these changes and create a win/win situation. You can use these simple words to increase your influence over others.
I suspect that you’re getting a sense of how powerful words are because you are noticing just how much movement I can create in one sentence alone and how simple it is to connect different ideas.
You might not see or be convinced how this works just yet, but you will once you have trained further in this work and then you’ll be amazed at what you can do with the powerful nature of the few connecting words I am using. Just by using the connecting words of ‘but’, ‘and’, ‘because’ and ‘yet’, you can feel and see how easy it is to move ideas in and out of your subjects’ thoughts!
Betty George is the founder of Sales Talk Business, specialising in the gentle art of helpful, informative communication promoting win win situations. To find out how go to www.salestalkbusiness.co.za.